“I realized there was something wrong with me … and it is that I think there is something wrong with me.” My friend, Jon Swift, posted that on Facebook recently. When I read that, I thought, “Thank you for spreading the word.”
If you’re a creative professional, or going through a transition, consider this: Is it possible that the way you were taught to interpret your behavior causes you to think negatively? What if your behaviors are just strategies to meet your needs? What if, for example, when you eat dessert, it’s a strategy you use to feel love? It’s not going to bring you love, and you’re not even consciously aware that’s what you’re doing. You’re just feeling unloved and reaching around for something to fill that need, that void. People fill the need for love in a variety of ways; typically, people use alcohol, cigarettes, and food. Married people have affairs.
Then the Victim Triangle begins: The Persecutor (the part of you that’s angry with what you did), beats up The Victim (the part of you that engaged in the behavior). Then The Rescuer inside of you decides to quit drinking, quit smoking, go on a diet, and end the affair. You go on the wagon for a while — until you can no longer suppress your need — then you fall off the wagon and engage in the behaviors again. You decide there’s something wrong with you and the Victim Triangle begins once again.
If this sounds familiar it’s because this is the way most of us were taught to think and behave. The solution is to center yourself, and when you begin to reach for something you have been resisting; ask yourself “What do I need?” and “Will this strategy be effective in meeting that need?” Remember: If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.
“When you think you need something and aren’t sure what it is, the answer is water. It is always water.” ~ Barbara Brandl Denson
