When we reorganize our physical environment it affects our mental/ emotional environment – and vice versa. Over the years I’ve spent a lot of time reorganizing both aspects of my life. Actually, I’ve organized myself from the inside out, you could say.
I do this by really paying attention as life is unfolding. I listen to what’s being communicated by the universe and deliberately make an effort to learn from it.
In recent blog posts I told a couple of stories from when I was working in a psychiatric rehabilitation facility some years ago. I learned a lot working in that place, as it provided a variety of challenges – hence opportunities – for reorganizing myself “on the inside.”
Here’s a story illustrating how I learned to reorganize my communication skills:
A colleague at the psychiatric facility knew that I was always really interested in learning more about communication (I still am 
). He suggested that I attend a nonviolent/compassionate communication training.
Trusting his impulse and not really giving it much thought, I took his suggestion and went to spend my weekend at the workshop. What I learned was remarkable and has stayed with me ever since.
Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D., taught the workshop. Marshall is a brilliant psychologist who developed a way of listening and speaking that changes the way I view the world (www.cnvc.org). It’s incredible, really. And it’s amazing because it’s so simple … Marshall proposes that if we learn to listen with our hearts to what’s in other people’s hearts, many times we hear a positive rather than a negative message. He says that sometimes it isn’t what folks are saying – it’s how we’re interpreting their message.
Here’s a simple example to illustrate: Marshall says that if you think your mother is “nagging” you, it may be that she actually “wants to contribute to your wellbeing.” When I heard that “translation” of the word nag into compassionate communication it stopped me in my tracks, so to speak – because it rang so true.
He says that we have been taught a language based on judgment and criticism, and that we can learn to speak and listen from our hearts in a simple, practical way. We can learn to express what we value, need and feel. And we can learn to listen to what others value, need and feel.
By mid-morning I found myself in tears at that first training because I could see how I interpreted things as attacks and habitually communicated from a defensive posture.
I absorbed what I could that weekend and returned to work on Monday. That morning, one of the psychiatric nurses came into my office and began complaining about a treatment plan I’d written for one of the residents of the facility.
Rather than respond in my habitual manner (trying to defend the treatment plan), I decided to try what Marshall said. I slowed down and took a moment to listen to her heart. What I ‘heard’ surprised me. I realized that this “cranky” nurse was a deeply caring person. And that’s what I blurted out, “Wow! You really care!”
My response completely took her aback, and she replied, “Well, yes! Of course I do!” Then she was quiet for a moment and said, “Actually, I’m not upset with the treatment plan; I’m upset with the director of nursing!! Can we talk?”
That exchange happened a dozen years ago. It demonstrated for me in a life-changing way the power of Marhsall’s “language of compassion.” I attended many more trainings and enjoy practicing that form of communication to this day. It’s one of the ways I organize myself for peaceful personal growth.