I took time to reframe her words into “compassionate communication” (www.cnvc.org), by asking her if we could characterize her as having “frequently occurring behaviors” (versus habits) that “don’t serve her” (versus “bad”). She liked the reframing I did and agreed that it could be looked at that way.

I often help my clients reframe their thoughts and words from negative judgments into more neutral observations. From this gentler standpoint we can then more readily develop a new set of behaviors, that when practiced over time become new frequently occurring behaviors (habits) that support the person (rather than sabotage them).

The conversation I was having with my client took place as we were working on mountains of paperwork that had fallen fallow over the years. My heart went out to her as it was evident that she had tried on multiple occasions to organize, and had ended up laying one piece of paper on another – not quite sure what to do with them – creating piles of confusion. She had shuffled around her paperwork in the most well intended way, and had ending up going in circles and feeling frustrated. I see this often, which is what prompted me to write about it today.

My client said she could find what she was looking for, “in about a half hour, or hour or two…”

Why bother to invest time organizing when you experience frustrating results and the outcome doesn’t serve you?

I totally understand. As a result, I approach organizing in a supportive, keep-it-simple common sense way. I examine what the person has done over time and how they are currently managing their paperwork (or whatever else they’re struggling with) and help them develop new systems. And I help them develop frequently occurring behaviors that support those systems.

Come on back on Friday and I’ll share my process with you.  

I don’t have an in depth knowledge of Feng Shui, however I basically get some of the concept and it resonates with me from a common sense perspective: for things to feel good, the energy needs to be able to flow.

In this spirit, pay attention to how things are laid out in your home. Start with the front area and see to it that it’s clean, open and inviting. If you have a porch, declutter and make sure it’s welcoming.

When you come inside, make the hallway clear. The energy needs to be able to flow in and out of this area with ease. Organize the things you’ll need and have them at the ready and where you’ll benefit from their placement. Below are some suggestions.

Create a place for these items:

1. Your keys

It’s very important to have one place established for them somewhere in your home.

Recently I found a missing set of keys in a client’s fridge. This reminded me that once upon a time I knew someone who kept his keys in the fridge. He knew for sure he would find them there because he often took food back and forth to work. It was a good idea and worked for him.

This is probably not a good idea any longer as it can apparently cause a problem with the technology that most keys have these days. The hallway area is one good option.

2. Cell phone docking station

Apparently it’s not a good idea to have this in the bedroom, as there are some worrisome studies linking cell phones with e-smog and health concerns. Wise to err on the safe side.

3. Chair or bench

For convenience – to sit while donning and removing footwear, etc.

4. Shoe bin or rack

For easy access to frequently used shoes, boots and flip flops, etc.

5. Coat rack

To hang up coats and scarves – for both family and visitors.

6. Hats

Less important and somewhat season dependent.

7. Gloves

Also less important and season dependent.

8. Purse and/or briefcase

From a Feng Shui perspective, the purse should not be sitting on the floor.

In general, pay attention to what you need and frequently use and think about where it would serve you best. If you notice that on a regular basis you can’t find something and use it frequently, create a dedicated place for it. For example, if you carry food with you, create one place for your insulated bag.

If you like items visible, create the front area with that in mind. If you like things concealed, design the space with items placed out of view. 

Are you most at ease when your items are concealed or visible?

These two questions are related when it comes to organizing.

It’s important to know how your brain is wired, and what your preferences are in order to create a level of organization that makes your life simple and effective.

Here’s how it works for me: I learn best by reading, watching and doing. I don’t do well with memorizing or auditory learning. I don’t know exactly why this is; I guess it’s just how my brain works. And I notice this has changed over time. When I was younger I was better at memorizing and listening (to lectures, etc.) than I am now.

As organization goes: I like my items organized and concealed for the most part. In general, visual disorganization bothers me. Visual ‘cues’ however, don’t bother me (like sticky notes, for example). If things are concealed, at some point it bothers me when I know they are disorganized (see related blog post).

I use this knowledge to my advantage.

I organize the tasks I need to carry out on to-do lists. I keep my to-do lists organized, visible and easy to access. My projects, on the other hand, are concealed – in folders or notebooks, in both paper and electronic formats.

I find an audio recorder easy to use, however I rarely use one – because I know it’s challenging for me to return to it and listen. I find that I’ll record information and rarely get back to listen to it – even if I write it down on a to-do list. For whatever reasons I dread listening and prefer visuals means.

And as a couple of general guidelines: don’t keep your to-do list in your head – it causes stress. Record things in whatever form works for you. And as another general guideline, immediately carry out tasks that can be done quickly – rather than put them off.

These ideas will help you get your ducks in a row.  :)

Just as we update our computer software, we need to reorganize and update our “social” software…

Once upon a time, people didn’t use the living room. Remember? It was covered in plastic. Well, that’s still happening, literally, and also metaphorically. Some of us, especially in certain age categories, are still prone to what I call “depression era mentality.” We don’t use something because we’re saving it for a special occasion.

This is fine – there’s just some balance and rethinking that needs to occur to keep us updated in our lives. If you inherited a home and are still using it as your parents did (plastic covered living room, for example), think about the impact that has on visitors – who are taken past the nice living room to the family room. They feel second best, not good enough, not worthy, like second-class citizens in fact!

It’s the old “ham in the pan” story. Ever hear that one? It’s about the guy who always cuts off the ends of the ham before baking it. One day his mother comes to visit and sees him doing this and asks why. He replies because that’s the way he saw her do it. And she says, “I did that to make it fit into the pan!”

Sometimes we do things without thinking about how they originally came about and if they’re still relevant. We need to reorganize our thoughts to update our “mental/emotional software” as well…

Putting plastic on furniture originated for a variety of reasons, one of them was because of the steel industry. There was a lot of soot and dust in the air, which got on the furniture and ruined it unless it was covered. Also people who worked in those environments got a lot of dirt on their clothes.

So, feel free to pull the plastic (or other coverings) off and use those rooms and items. Also, if you’re not using it, it’s okay to clear the dining room table and chairs and china cabinet out of the dining room and use that area as a home office, or as a space for the baby and her toys.

Think out of the box. As you reorganize, question why you do what you do – and if it’s still relevant.

Do you fold the towels a certain way and put them in a certain place because that’s what you were taught? And does that still work for you?

At some point I decided to clear a drawer in the kitchen for my kitchen towels and (I know this is heresy) drop them in without folding them. Honestly, it didn’t make a difference that the towels weren’t “properly” folded and I saved time. Same with the bed linens, I just put them into a pillow case (unfolded). Fast, easy, practical – and doesn’t make a difference. You do know that once upon a time bed linens were ironed. I’m just sayin’…

Free yourself up. Ask yourself if it really matters to you any more. And if it DOES, then keep doing what you’re comfortable with. And if it doesn’t matter any more, re-inspect your habits and change them to fit your current lifestyle.

My strategies: Create systems, use them, and when things start to get cluttered or haven’t been put into well-defined categories – notice and adjust – with quick updates.

For example, recently I went to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. As I was looking through my choices I wasn’t seeing what I wanted. “Well (I thought), that’s because some teas are over there… and, ah ha! some are over there… hmmm … Okay, I’m going to take a few minutes and see if I can put all of the beverages into one place.”

And I did. It didn’t take long.

A few days later I was looking for crackers and couldn’t find what I wanted. “Dang! (I thought), this area is getting all cluttered up. This is mixed with that and some of what I might want to choose from is over there…” And so I took a few minutes to collect the various cracker type products and moved a few things around. I quickly and simply arranged it and – Voila! Everything’s in one place and I can find it easily.

For most of us, over time, items get placed in a kind of random order by different people. This can start to cause some difficulty in that things aren’t easy to find, and as a result, things aren’t getting used. Tea and crackers and such are in danger of getting stale, that kind of thing. Sound familiar? 

So things had built up (see related post: When is it Time to Organize?), and  I did what blogged about in November (Organizing in Five Simple Steps):

Step1: Remove what doesn’t belong.

Step 2: Put items in well-defined categories.

With the teas it wasn’t necessary to pull everything out and clean the shelf. I just shifted items around, removed what didn’t belong and added what needed to be there. 

However, with the crackers I removed everything, wiped down the surfaces, and put things back – in a box I had on hand that perfectly contained them all.

These little “updates” took very little time, and the benefits are that:

1. I can see what’s available (I like choices).
2. Things won’t go stale.
3. I don’t have the impulse to buy things that I don’t really need – because I am able to see what I actually have.

 And the best part –

4.  I’m able to enjoy what I want because I can easily find it.

Check out my webpage about other organizing benefits.

Why do I build organizing into the nooks and crannies of my life? It makes life simpler and less stressful. I like that.

 

Continuing from Tuesday’s post, here are Steps 3 through 6, which provide effective email organizing strategies:

Step 3. Create and use folders for reference and archives

If you believe you will need an email for reference some day, move it out of your inbox and into a folder. Keep your emails organized and accessible by creating aptly named repositories for them. Name the folders by the first thing you think of when characterizing the email into one simple category. For example, use the name of your bank, the name of your insurance company, or perhaps “Recipes” or “Travel Ideas.”

Don’t worry about the name of the folders making sense to anyone else; create them in a way that makes sense to you. (Unless someone else uses your email and you need to be in sync.)

And if there are items that you’ll want to read later, you may wish to create a folder labeled “1 READ THESE.” The ‘1’ will put the folder at the top where it’s visible. My suggestion is that you schedule time on your calendar; otherwise you’ll probably forget. 

Step 4. Leave them and ponder, then act

Some of how I stay organized is by leaving only “actionable” items in my inbox. However I don’t leave more than a couple dozen, otherwise it gets unwieldy. 

There are two categories: those I’ll probably respond to sometime soon, and those I’ll give more thought, and perhaps respond to some time later. If something is time sensitive, I flag it for follow up.

The key is to get back to your inbox on a regular basis and carry out these steps. If you find that time passes and you’re not reviewing your emails often enough, schedule time on your calendar to do so. And follow through. However, don’t be rigid. If you find that you don’t have the energy or focus to process the emails at the time you scheduled, then reschedule – just make sure and follow through.

Pay attention to your energy. It’s essential to have that plus the time and focus to process emails, otherwise you won’t be as productive as you might, because you’ll be working in “diminishing returns.”

Step 5. Unsubscribe

Take time to get off email lists that you don’t find value in any longer. This small investment in time will save you a lot of time and energy.

Step 6. Engage in bulk decluttering if necessary

If you have a lot of unopened and/or unprocessed emails, the best strategy is to schedule a block of uninterrupted time to focus on them and engage in “bulk decluttering.” Group by category, scan and delete by date. And remember – sometimes things just take a little self-discipline and “mental elbow grease.”  :)

If it’s a hardship for you to work through your email inbox, reward yourself for your effort in some healthy way. And, it may benefit you to hire a professional organizer to help you through the process.

This six-step strategy is a good guide:

Step 1. Scan and delete emails down to “actionable” items

Scan your emails and if you can delete them without anticipating future regrets, do so. As you scan the items, with each one, ask yourself, “Can I safely delete this?” “Will I want to take an action on this later?” (For example to read them fully, reply, ponder or schedule.) Always be clear on why emails are left in your inbox.

I don’t believe in the, “Drive your inbox down to zero” strategy. When you reduce your inbox down to the potentially actionable items, it provides a good up to date to-do list. It allows you to focus on what needs done. 

Decluttering down to only potentially actionable items also allows you to decide what you truly don’t want to respond to at all – rather than missing things by default – because you forgot to get back to your emails and process them. In this busy world, it’s important to be clear on what to respond to now, and what you may want to respond to later.

This process allows you to engage in more conscious living. You’re making informed decisions, rather than running late or reacting to things at the last minute.

 Step 2. Respond immediately

When scanning and processing emails, respond immediately to those that can be answered quickly. Also, immediately record any corresponding events on your calendar. Don’t try to hold event details in your head with the idea that you’ll get back to them and record them later. After taking these actions, remove the email from your inbox.

I’ll post steps three through six on Friday. I’ll share how to create folders for reference and archives – and other strategies and tips.  See you then!  :)

1. Invest time to save time

How it works is that either we take the time to get organized or we end up wasting time looking for things. And we waste both time and money buying things we already own when we can’t find them. Organizing supports a busy and efficient lifestyle. If things have gotten a bit out of control in your environment, you’ll initially need to build some time into your schedule to get things organized into systems.

2. Be proactive rather than reactive

Once organized, take a small amount of time, ideally daily, to use the systems you’ve created. Put things back where they belong. You do this by building organizing into the “nooks and crannies” of your life. However, it’s normal to let things build up a little (see Tuesday’s post) just don’t let things go to a point that they get out of control – or it’s ultimately a lot more challenging to sort it all out.

3. Deal with it now

If you can do things in a short amount of time, do them right in the moment – rather than putting them off. This is one of the keys to staying organized.

4. Schedule your tasks

If you are busy and need to let things go – then schedule time on your calendar to get back to them. Then make sure and follow through.

5. Work with your energy – instead of against it

When you schedule time on your calendar to organize, check your focus and energy and make sure they’re right for organizing. Don’t try to push against your energy and force it. There’s some balance to applying gentle self-discipline versus doing things when you just don’t have the energy for it. If you never, or rarely, have the energy for organizing – and find it confusing and painful – hire a professional organizer to help you through the process.

Sometimes people tease that I’m obsessive-compulsive. Yes, I’ll admit that I’m a little that way – it makes me a good organizer – however I’m pretty balanced, in the sense that I can let things go. I find that there’s a normal flow with the buildup of needing to organize. For example, sometimes I’m busy with my writing, or I’d rather take a yoga class than do my filing!

Then I start to get uncomfortable. The filing is stacking up; here and there things are getting cluttered. It’s kind of like a wave building up to its peak. Pretty soon I can’t stand it anymore and I need to “get into action” to remedy the situation.

Sometimes when clients contact me for organizing assistance, it feels like they’ve gotten to this point. Things have been put off and built up to a level that they can’t stand it any more!

I always feel honored when folks contact me to help them. I’m the least judgmental person you will meet, and I show up ready to figure things out and help calm things down.

Organizing is sometimes a challenge for people because it just isn’t “in their genes.” Or they never saw it role-modeled. Often their parents struggled with being organized. And usually people don’t know where to begin, or how to create categories, or they find that it’s hard to let go of things… I help with all of that.

For whatever reason, I am naturally organized. I move through time and space in an organized way. And honestly, there’s no mystery to it; there’s no magic wand that organizes things. It’s an ongoing process and sometimes it just requires self-discipline – along with some “elbow grease and shoe-leather.” It’s a matter of making an effort in a focused way on what needs organized. 

Sometimes, when things have built up and I’m ready to sort them out, I tell myself, “Do this for 20 minutes” (or 10 or 30, or whatever amount). Usually once I get started, I can stay with the task for as long as it takes. Once I get myself over the “Get started with it already!” hurdle, then the task isn’t as bad or as hard as I think.

If you don’t know where to begin, are not able to get started, don’t know how to create categories, or are unable to let go of things, it may be time to contact a professional organizer. Give me a call!

I do this by really paying attention as life is unfolding. I listen to what’s being communicated by the universe and deliberately make an effort to learn from it.

In recent blog posts I told a couple of stories from when I was working in a psychiatric rehabilitation facility some years ago. I learned a lot working in that place, as it provided a variety of challenges – hence opportunities – for reorganizing myself “on the inside.”

Here’s a story illustrating how I learned to reorganize my communication skills:

A colleague at the psychiatric facility knew that I was always really interested in learning more about communication (I still am ). He suggested that I attend a nonviolent/compassionate communication training. 

Trusting his impulse and not really giving it much thought, I took his suggestion and went to spend my weekend at the workshop. What I learned was remarkable and has stayed with me ever since.     

Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D., taught the workshop. Marshall is a brilliant psychologist who developed a way of listening and speaking that changes the way I view the world (www.cnvc.org). It’s incredible, really. And it’s amazing because it’s so simple … Marshall proposes that if we learn to listen with our hearts to what’s in other people’s hearts, many times we hear a positive rather than a negative message. He says that sometimes it isn’t what folks are saying – it’s how we’re interpreting their message. 

Here’s a simple example to illustrate: Marshall says that if you think your mother is “nagging” you, it may be that she actually “wants to contribute to your wellbeing.” When I heard that “translation” of the word nag into compassionate communication it stopped me in my tracks, so to speak – because it rang so true.

He says that we have been taught a language based on judgment and criticism, and that we can learn to speak and listen from our hearts in a simple, practical way. We can learn to express what we value, need and feel. And we can learn to listen to what others value, need and feel.

By mid-morning I found myself in tears at that first training because I could see how I interpreted things as attacks and habitually communicated from a defensive posture.

I absorbed what I could that weekend and returned to work on Monday. That morning, one of the psychiatric nurses came into my office and began complaining about a treatment plan I’d written for one of the residents of the facility.

Rather than respond in my habitual manner (trying to defend the treatment plan), I decided to try what Marshall said. I slowed down and took a moment to listen to her heart. What I ‘heard’ surprised me. I realized that this “cranky” nurse was a deeply caring person. And that’s what I blurted out, “Wow! You really care!”

My response completely took her aback, and she replied, “Well, yes! Of course I do!” Then she was quiet for a moment and said, “Actually, I’m not upset with the treatment plan; I’m upset with the director of nursing!! Can we talk?”

That exchange happened a dozen years ago. It demonstrated for me in a life-changing way the power of Marhsall’s “language of compassion.” I attended many more trainings and enjoy practicing that form of communication to this day. It’s one of the ways I organize myself for peaceful personal growth.